Helen Goldberg
O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things planned long ago. – Isaiah 25:1
I was raised in Montreal in a middle class traditional Jewish home, celebrated the High Holidays and attended synagogue only when required to.
At 22 I married. It was a bad marriage almost from the day go. I had two wonderful sons, the lights of my life and stayed in my marriage for 12 years hoping that it would get better. It did not; in fact it only got worse. I finally found the courage and strength to walk away and concentrated on raising my two sons. Shortly thereafter I entered into a financial nightmare which lasted 18 years. At that point, I hit bottom. Approximately a year later I began to see a light at the end of the black tunnel; I reached down deep into my soul and pulled out some hope. Little did I know that it was Him who pulled me from my despair.
The fall of 2003 He sent His first messenger. She spoke carefully to me of the spiritual world; she planted the seed and so it began.
In November 2004 He sent His second messenger, a kind and loving Christian man who spoke to me of God and Jesus. I explained to him that I was Jewish and I do not believe in Jesus. He said he knew that. He would read the bible to me and slowly began to fill me with the Word of the Almighty.
In July 2005 He sent His third and final messenger, a Gentile believer who I worked with. I asked her, “what is our purpose in life, why are we here?” She gently smiled and replied, “Do I have a book for you!” From her briefcase she pulled out the “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. I began to read the book and by the third chapter my eyes, ears and heart began to open, but I still had not welcomed Yeshua into my life. I felt that if I did, I would be committing treason against my people, as believing in Yeshua was not the Jewish thing to do.
I began an internal battle and began to educate myself on what it meant to be a Messianic Jew. I struggled with it and though I did not completely understand the dynamics of it all, I felt a tugging at my heart. After much conflict, I prayed to God through His loving Son; it did not feel comfortable and I once again took up the conflict of spiritual warfare. Several days later I smugly challenged God; I will hand over my burdens if You show me Yeshua. And He did. For several moments I felt as if my world had been draped with a silk sheet, hand woven by Him; a sense of undefined quiet and indescribable peace engulfed me. July 17, 2005, a moment in time that will always be with me.
With an open heart I wept and welcomed His loving Son Yeshua into my life. I have come full circle. I have learned that my purpose is for His glory, I have learned that my blessings are His gifts and His gifts are my blessings. I have learned to appreciate the blue sky, the stars, the sun, beauty, joy and yes, sorrow; for without sorrow I would not appreciate joy. I have learned that I must learn. I have learned that all that I have, all I am is because of Him. I have learned about hope, faith, miracles and that nothing is impossible if you believe. I have learned that arrogance, envy, greed, lust and profanity come with a price. I have learned how and when to forgive and to do it with grace. I have learned that He is my provider, protector, healer and peace of spirit, body and mind. I am still learning and what an incredible journey it has been thus far. I am a toddler now and He is teaching me to keep my balance but I know for certain that should I lose my footing or fall off the path that He will be there to catch me before I hit the bottom. He has showered me with diamonds, consoled me when I have cried and has celebrated with me my joys. He is my joy. |